It’s way after midnight and I can’t sleep. For the last two days I wanted to fast, but failed. And again my smartphone is never off. What has changed?
Some things I notice:
At the moment there is no deeper question in my life. A few weeks ago I was carrying the question “What is a man?” with me. And from the mystery of that question grew clarity and focus. This seems to be gone. And so I’m sitting here at night, stuffed with ice-cream, restless in mind, after masturbating, finding myself unable to sleep.
One thing is sure though:
This is all connected to my time in the digital world. When I carry no deeper question this becomes my religion.
And the digital god is a cruel one. Where the real god wants nothing and loves you from within, the digital god wants everything and loves you not one bit.