The Art of Arguing towards Peace

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Artwork for The Art of Arguing towards Peace
Artwork for: The Art of Arguing towards Peace

It is impossible to go through life without ever having an argument. So I think it’s a very good idea to learn how to actually have a healthy argument.

The trick to having a healthy argument with someone is this:

Don’t ever try to win an argument.
Always argue towards peace.

You probably know these situations in which you try to win an argument above all else: Your face is red with anger and you find yourself fighting tooth and nail. No matter the cost. No matter the possible damage to the relationship. And even if a part of you realises that you are wrong at some point, it is suddenly impossible for you to accept that.

In my experience “winning” an argument never has done me or anyone around me any good. Arguing towards peace however is a completely different approach. It doesn’t mean that the exchange can’t become heated or loud. It doesn’t mean that I will just roll over and give in into another person’s will. But it does mean that my goal behind an argument is ultimately a deeper and more beautiful relationship to another human being.

The only situation in which you should try to win argument is if you do it for fun. Debating someone in a contest. If you are a battle rapper on the stage. Only in such situations should try to win an argument, because both parties understand and that you are playing a game to see who’s better at it.

I would like to end with one important note:
When you are truly having such an “argument towards peace” with another human being, there is also the possibility that you come to the conclusion that it’s best to end the relationship.

This is still arguing towards peace, if the end of the relationship means a more peaceful life for both parties. If both parties can see this and choose to make this decision together, it becomes a beautiful and perfectly acceptable way to end a relationship.