I had a wonderful birthday. As usual it was a quiet one. And as usual I enjoyed it that way.
I spent a lot of beautiful time with Mia and Maria. We made picnic in the park, played ball and where visited by a small family of ducks. I think we all enjoyed that. The ducks included. It was a tiny adventure in a protected little world.
Later I left a bit thoughtfull though.
Maria’s kidney issues loom above many such moments. I think it’s the uncertainty that’s the worst. I think that’s true for many such health issues. The physical issue is hard enough to carry, but its the uncertainty that makes such situations so unbearable. Especially in the long-term. I think it’s such situations meditation might be one of the most useful tools one can make use of. Because it eases the burden of uncertainty by not allowing it to invite a constant and ever-looming fear.
At some point I got interested in the psychosomatic role of the kidney and if looking at the situation from that angle would bring something helpful to the table. I found some very interesting things, but Maria got extremely defensive when I mentioned those. It felt like she would rather die than face the things such words might reveal.
I can understand.
And I can also not understand.
One thing I found interesting was that she said such ideas would only put “more fault” on her. It’s interesting that the first thing that comes to her mind is blame and fault on her shoulders.
I don’t see fault.
I see shadows being revealed.
But I also see responsibility.
And while that might feel like something that adds inner weight, it is actually the source of great power.
Fault and Responsibility
I think this goes back to a misunderstanding between fault and responsibility.
Let’s take an abusive relationship as an example. Let’s suppose your partner has abused you physically and emotionally. After weeks and months of this you were finally able to end the relationship and leave that abusive person behind. But even years later your body tenses up, your heart beats faster and you find yourself unable to speak in certain situations.
Such a reaction might be the result of a trauma that you still carry from that relationship.
In such a case it’s your ex-partners fault.
But not your ex-partner’s responsibility.
The responsibility to unravel such a trauma lies with you and you alone.
And that is a good thing. It gives you a chance to become active.
So if you find that you carry such baggage from the past within you:
Accept responsibility! Take action!
This is nothing but a great opportunity.