Meeting inner chaos with outer Effort

I am currently missing depth in my life. I do know why and yet it feels out of reach.

At the moment I do not take (or make) the time and space to meet myself on a regular basis. It’s funny, because it seems that during the times I need that the most, I actually do it the least.

When there’s a lot of inner turmoil and chaos going on in my life (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually), my general response seems to be to throw “more” at it.

More effort.
More work.
More progress.

And sometimes it actually feels like it’s working, because meeting inner chaos with outer “effort” is such a great way to distract myself. And it has a soothing feel to it, because on the surface I’m making progress. On the surface I get “better”.

But below that I feel stress.
Because I avoid looking and listening.

What is really resourceful to me in such moments usually is “less”.

Less effort. Less work. Less progress. Less food. Less city. Less niose. Less appointments. Less digital. Less screentime. Less information.

This creates space within.
Space on the inside by doing less on the outside.

And then I can just start listening. And I think that is all that’s really needed in such moments.

I’m in a library right now and I can see the clouds drifiting lazily. It’s quiet here and thus probably a good place to listen. And I can already feel turbulent waters begin to calm.

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