When it comes to finding out what you need, I think we all would benefit greatly from developing our own language. Because what I need at any given moment is so vastly different and individual to me as a human being, that it’s almost impossible to create a system that fits everyone.
What do you need right now?
What things come to mind?
Do you need a hug?
If you have spent some time exploring spirituality, psychology or self-development, more detailed things might come to mind as well:
Do you need talk to a person to feel seen?
Do you need to scream to release some anger?
Do you need to meditate to connect with yourself again?
All good examples.
One of them might be exactely what you need right now.
I just noticed that all of those still come from predefined concepts. And that when I completely leave those behind I usually discover better answers. Even if those answers sound strange, wrong or forbidden.
Maybe especially then.
This morning I found that I needed to feel sadness. There was no reason I could conciously grasp for this need. It absolutely made no sense. I also found that I needed to feel this sadness while listening to soft music, with a cup of coffee in hand, staring out the window on a wonderfully bright and sunny day.
What the hell is that?
That doesn’t fit into any box.
But it was exactely what I needed at that moment.
Some other examples I noticed during those last days:
- I needed to cheat during my 7-day fasting, sneaking out of bed at night eating all the cheese in the fridge while feeling like a fat and happy criminal.
- I needed to sit and meditate while having a spoken conversation with myself. Discussing small things, big things, making jokes and arguing with different parts of me.
- I needed to say “f*ck it” to doing yoga in the morning and instead play videogames for a few hours, drink a glass of wine and then go back to bed.
What these have in common is that they are highly individual to me, absolutely honest and (mostly) considered “not right”. And yet they where exactly what I needed at that moment.
Leaving all concepts and ideas of what is “normal” and “right”, when asking yourself what you actually need can be very revealing and incredably resourceful.
On Honoring your Shadow
There are some needs I discovered that I don’t feel comfortable writing here. I write this because I think it is especially important to honor such “darker sides” in us. Their existence is often hard to accept.
But give it a try. Everything casts a shadow.
Honoring yours will only make you more real.
So what if you leave all concepts behind and ask:
What do I need right now?