I think when it comes to motivation, energy and happiness / peace, I am currently at my all-time lowest.

Once again those practices that would help me the most in those times, seem least available to me. I know they are good for me. It doesn’t matter if it’s meditation, movement or a heart-to-heart talk with a friend. When I am caught up in these dark moods these all seem so far away. Instead I seek pleasure/distraction. So I usually turn to movies, food or sex.

Unfortunately by doing so my attention so is pulled away from the things that want to reveal themselves to me. By doing so I missed out on a lot of wisdom and insight.

I wish to learn how to deal with those times. And I think I want to create a program that helps others being fortified for such situations too. “Fearless” was a first possible name that came to me and I think it’s a good one because I think fear is what makes me “turn away” and distract myself in such situations.

I also notice the inner changes when my mind slips into stories. Imagining dangerous situations that are not real. But I’ll write a bit more about that another time.

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